Last Night at the Convention

Last night, Jay and I attended Barack Obama’s nomination speech at Mile High Stadium. This event was nothing short of phenomenal. As an Army wife, one of the most powerful moments for me was never shown on television. Nearly 20 retired Army generals, including General Wesley Clark, came forward to publicly support Senator Obama. It was important for me to hear military leaders tell the audience that Barack Obama is the best choice as commander-in-chief. We also saw speakers including Joe Biden, Al Gore, and Bill Richarson. We saw U.S. Olympian Shawn Johnson recite the pledge. Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder, and Michael McDonald all gave performances at the event. This was a great night in political history. Jay was so happy that he was able to attend this event before his deployment. We will remember this for the rest of our lives. Being in that stadium with 80,000 people who shared similar beliefs was awe-inspiring!

Moving Day

Today, we packed up the apartment we have in Colorado Springs in preparation for Jay’s deployment. It was a long day, but we’re done. We are both exhausted. I had planned to do so much for Jay before his deployment and never got around to it because of the chaos of moving, closing utilities accounts, traveling, etc., etc. I wanted to make Jay several video messages that could be downloaded onto his iPod when he is in Iraq and missing me. I got one video message done. I wanted to write three or four letters that he could read while he was en route and that didn’t happen. I did, however, make a calendar of all our favorite photos, key dates, a deployment countdown and Biblical scriptures. I figured this gift would help keep Jay motivated and inspired everyday during his deployment. I did throw Jay a deployment party where he got to see all of his family and friends before leaving. I had a company create these little prayer cards for his family and friends with pictures of Jay and scriptures on the back. These were little takeaways that always keep Jay close to all of us and in our prayers. I also made a mini photo book for Jay with photos from our travels this year. Its so small that it fits in his shirt pocket. I’ll be close to him throughout his deployment with these items. While I accomplished a lot in the last two months leading up to his deployment, I still wish there was time to do more. Time ran out before I realized it. 

Jay and I will be at Barack Obama’s nomination speech at Mile High Stadium in Denver tomorrow. We received special credentials to attend. I can’t wait to share this experience with everyone via this blog.

Until next time….

The American Dream Lives On

Right now, the days with my husband have dropped into the single digits. We have been packing up all of his belongings in preparation for his deployment. While packing, Michelle Obama’s speech was on in the background. I stopped packing and became captivated by her words. Michelle Obama reminded me of why Jay joined the military. He became a soldier so that everyone had the freedom to achieve the American Dream without fear of losing their constitutional rights. He became a soldier so that everyone can have life, liberty, and happiness. The Obamas are true examples of people who worked hard to achieve the American Dream. As I complete my graduate degree and as my husband goes to war, their story inspires me to be a better person. Michelle Obama spoke about the strength of an army wife as she sits down for dinner and says grace with an empty chair at the table for a year. That statement resonated with me as an army wife. I have never heard a woman in politics on any side of the aisle create a better depiction of life as an army wife. There are nine weeks until Election Day, and someone–whether John McCain or Barack Obama–will be the next president. The 44th president will have a direct impact on my life and the fate of my husband. I trust Barack Obama with that responsibility and I trust Michelle Obama to represent the interests of army wives. Tonight, Michelle Obama demonstrated courage, strength, and confidence as a woman. These are all qualities that army wives should exude in our daily lives. Her speech was awe-inspiring to me and I hope other wives will take the time to listen to her speech for inspiration about achieving the American Dream.

LiveLeak.com

Last night, my husband showed me footage from liveleak.com. This site allows people to post video footage with commentary. It’s basically citizen journalism. LiveLeak.com is showing a side of Iraq that is never shown on television. There is a lot of footage from Iraq and Afghanistan. Some of it is taken my Americans and some of it is taken by Iraqis. I was taken aback by the footage I saw. There was one video that was taken by an Iraqi who shoots a soldier right in the chest. The blow knocked the solider off his feet but his Kevlar saved him. The Iraqis in the film are screaming “Praise Allah” as they are shooting the soldier. While watching the film, I was speechless. I could not believe that anyone has the heart to kill and use their God’s name in the process. It was very difficult for me to watch. It made me realize that this really is a battle of cultures. We want the Iraqis to have an American-style democracy and they want to live in an Islamic state without our oversight. 

Also on the site, I saw footage of our troops obliterate Iraqi insurgents. You can see the sophisticated technology the military uses to see insurgents as they are planting IEDs to hurt our troops. As strange as it sounds, it made me feel better about Jay’s deployment. It made me see that the military is trying to put an end to the insurgency to keep service men and women–like my husband–safe. I know that sounds really selfish of me, but seeing that there is action being taken against the insurgents made me feel like soldiers are not just walking targets. 

I think Jay showed me this for a reason. He wanted me to feel more at ease about his deployment. Believe it or not, this tactic worked. I feel better about the situation now.

The Countdown is On…

Time is ticking toward the inevitable now. Jay’s deployment is right around the corner and I’m starting to become more anxious. The tears can be turned on instantly now. Its getting really hard. Today, I told one of my colleagues that Jay was deploying and she began to apologize uncontrollably. It’s interesting that she felt felt compelled to apologize for his deployment. How am I supposed to handle these situations? Right now, I try to be polite and tell people that everything is okay. The apologies make me sad and I start to cry because it makes me sad. It’s a tough situation and I will be in this situation for the next 12 months. How do other women deal with this?

War is Becoming a Reality

In the last couple of weeks, we’ve had some difficult conversations. We’ve talked about funeral arrangements, burial locations, and a lot of grim topics that your average 25-year-old should never have to think about. We’ve made special arrangements for fertility by having Jay’s sperm frozen. There are many babies born to Iraq war veterans who have been born without limbs and other disabilities. We have frozen Jay’s sperm so that we can use pre-Iraq sperm. This will help ensure that we have the healthiest babies possible. These conversations have helped me remember how fragile life is and important it is to all tell those around you how much you care about them.

I don’t know what I would do if I lost Jay in Iraq. He is my soul mate. I love him dearly and I don’t know how I could live in this world alone. He is my everything. I am so scared to open my front door and see a soldier. I am afraid that they’ll tell me they have bad news to share with me. Its too much to even think about at this point. I love him so much. I know I need to be strong, but the reality is that 4,000 wives or mothers have received that unfortunate visit. 4,000 families are suffering a loss. Yes, I realize that there are more families whose loved ones who have walked away unscathed. I am making a promise to myself that I will not worry about things that have not happened yet, but I will focus on loving and supporting Jay as much as I can. Until next time…..

The Battle of the Bulge

I have been stressed out to the max. My job has been exceptionally busy and so have my volunteer commitments. I have not even had a chance to do any day-to-day cleaning. This pending deployment is causing one side-effect that I can’t bear–the battle of the bulge. I am a petite woman. I’m only 5′2 and when I gain weight you can see it fast. I have turned to stress eating habits. Comfort food has become a staple for me and its leading to a lot of adverse effects. Typically, when I get home from work I go running or ride my bike. Now, I am working late since I’ll be taking off work next week to prep for everything. It’s tough. I am not leading a healthy lifestyle. I am running a 10K in September, so I am hoping that the training process will fight the battle of the bulge. I do not want to turn into a couch potato during this deployment. Jay isn’t even gone yet, and I’m packing on the pounds. I know he’ll love me if he leaves and comes back to a 1,000 pound mess, but it’s important to me to stay active. The next item on my to-do list is to sign up for a yoga class. Yoga has always been an outlet for stress for me. Yoga has always helped calm my spirit. I would break out and do some yoga poses now, but you’re not supposed to practice yoga on a full stomach and my stomach is always full these days. Stay tuned…

Deployment Sooner Rather Than Later

Yesterday, I was frustrated about not knowing my husband’s deployment date. This afternoon Jay called me and told me that he was being deployed sooner rather than later! I actually handled it pretty well, there were no tears for this announcement. I have taken a new approach to this entire deployment. I am going to stay strong and focus on the future. Jay is actually supposed to complete his deployment in May 2009, but because of stop-loss, he won’t get out of the Army until October 2009. We are starting to plan a fabulous trip to South America. We want to go to Costa Rica, the Galapago Islands, and Macchu Picchu. I am very excited to plan this trip. It will take up a lot time that would typically be spent worrying about my husband. My classes start up again next week, which will also keep me busy. I am taking tough classes and one of them is a quantitative course, and I am terrible with numbers. This too will keep me busy. I will miss Jay dearly, but I want him back with me forever. I plan to jam-pack schedule with school, volunteer work, and planning for the future while he’s away. I hope I stick to it. Right now, I’m full of optimism. I hope I can keep it up! Until next time…

Two Weeks Until Deployment and No Answers

So Jay is supposed to deploy in two weeks and I can’t believe that we still don’t have official orders. Right now, we have unofficial orders from Fort Carson that have a date. These are not official Department of Defense orders, they are on Fort Carson letterhead. This is becoming very frustrating. We have purchased plane tickets according to this information and I have taken off work for week. If this changes, my plane ticket to see him off will be more than $1,000. I purchased tickets based on the unofficial orders that Fort Carson created and that was $600. Seeing him off is priceless, but I really need to know what is happening. I expected this will when Jay was in the 82nd Airborne Division, which had to be deployable on a moment’s notice. There are people at Fort Carson who have official orders six months from now.

Jay’s deployment schedule changed immediately after the massacre in Afghanistan. The reason this rapid deployment with no information worries me is the fact that I don’t want the Bush Administration to make rash decisions about deployment without a well-thought out plan. If they can’t tell us a date for deployment, they probably don’t have a clear mission for the deployment. As a businesswoman, I know that a poorly thought-out plan always results in failure and I am very worried about that. I don’t want a botched plan to negatively affect the soldiers. 

On a lighter note, I am beginning to cope with the deployment better. Fewer tears and fewer fears are coming my way. I hope this continues to be the case as we draw closer to “D-Day.”

Girlfriends

This weekend I spent a lot of time with my girlfriends. My husband took a trip to Las Vegas with his friends for one last weekend before his deployment. Last night I went to a bachelorette party and then this morning I went to church and shopping with one of my girlfriends. It was great to chat and laugh with my girlfriends. I realized that they are the people who are going to help me get through this deployment. I’ll be spending a lot of time with them. Unfortunately, I don’t live on an Army base so I don’t have a typical Army support system. I haven’t figured out if I think that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it is what it is. 

Tonight, I’ll be watching Army Wives on Lifetime. This shows illustrates the bond between Army wives, which is the type of bond I don’t have. For whatever reason, I feel better about the deployment when I watch the show. I realize it’s total fiction but it helps me feel that I am somewhat connected to other Army Wives and it helps my mind escape from the everyday thoughts about the deployment. I am excited about this episode. I can’t wait to see what happens with Frank and Denise. I was hoping that she’d leave Frank for Getty. I am not a big fan of Frank. He’s a misogynist. At times he can be sweet to Denise, but it never seems authentic. I don’t know if it’s bad acting or the coldness of the character. This should be a great episode. Stay tuned…